Reconnection
by Agnė Žvikaitė
This technique is for conflicts/issues in significant relationships when the unpleasant situation is repeating, finding the resources and doable solutions for it.
This technique includes 3 rounds standing in 3 different positions (client, significant other, meta positions). The first round is there to clear out what is the situation in significant relationship that is not working. Second round is the combination of change history technique and constellation work: the client has a chance to find the time when the issue appeared first time, find the needs and resources from both his and significant other sides; in addition to that, the client has possibility to change the position of himself and significant other which would also transform the situation into a new one (new constellation). The third round comes from solution-focused brief therapy technique called “miracle question” when the client has to imagine this relationship without any issue and what would be the visible actions which would show that the situation has changed. In this case, use the Milton language to imply that the situation has already changed. Important thing in this step is to find visible actions a.k.a. doable solutions for the situation.
1. Ask your client to think of the unpleasant situation/issue/conflict that is appearing in significant relationship. Then ask the client to place herself/himself (A), the significant other (B) and the observer – Meta position (C) in the area where you work with floor markers, papers, or some other items.
2. Find a situation in your relationship which is repeating and is unpleasant (stand in A position). What do you see/hear/feel in that situation?
3. Go to the position of the significant other (stand in B position). What does she/he sees/hears/feels in that situation?
4. Go to the position of Meta (stand in C position with the distance from A and B). What does Meta sees/hears/feels? Do you want to say something to A and B?
5. Go back to yourself. When was the first time when repeating situation started? What happened right before you felt like that so you reacted in that way? What would you have needed in that moment to feel comfortable, what words you would have needed? Ask of all the positive feelings and where they are in body. [Ask your client to move in space if she/he feels like it]
6. Go to B. When this situation started first time, what happened right before you felt like that so you reacted in that way? What would you have needed in that moment to feel comfortable, what words you would have needed? Ask of all the positive feelings. [Ask your client to move in space if she/he feels like it]
7. Go to Meta. What do you see/hear/feel now? Do you want to say something to A and B?
8. There is no issue anymore and you have all the resources with you (repeat these resources for that person). The similar situation occurs again. What is different now? How do you react, what do you DO in this situation having all the resources?
9. Go to B. You have all the resources, the similar situation occurs again. What difference do you see now on the other person? How do you feel about it, how do you want to react?
10. Go to Meta. What do you see/hear/feel now? Do you want to say something to A and B?
11. Go back to yourself. Embrace all the new insights and feelings. Anchor all the positive feelings.
Exit.
This technique includes 3 rounds standing in 3 different positions (client, significant other, meta positions). The first round is there to clear out what is the situation in significant relationship that is not working. Second round is the combination of change history technique and constellation work: the client has a chance to find the time when the issue appeared first time, find the needs and resources from both his and significant other sides; in addition to that, the client has possibility to change the position of himself and significant other which would also transform the situation into a new one (new constellation). The third round comes from solution-focused brief therapy technique called “miracle question” when the client has to imagine this relationship without any issue and what would be the visible actions which would show that the situation has changed. In this case, use the Milton language to imply that the situation has already changed. Important thing in this step is to find visible actions a.k.a. doable solutions for the situation.
1. Ask your client to think of the unpleasant situation/issue/conflict that is appearing in significant relationship. Then ask the client to place herself/himself (A), the significant other (B) and the observer – Meta position (C) in the area where you work with floor markers, papers, or some other items.
2. Find a situation in your relationship which is repeating and is unpleasant (stand in A position). What do you see/hear/feel in that situation?
3. Go to the position of the significant other (stand in B position). What does she/he sees/hears/feels in that situation?
4. Go to the position of Meta (stand in C position with the distance from A and B). What does Meta sees/hears/feels? Do you want to say something to A and B?
5. Go back to yourself. When was the first time when repeating situation started? What happened right before you felt like that so you reacted in that way? What would you have needed in that moment to feel comfortable, what words you would have needed? Ask of all the positive feelings and where they are in body. [Ask your client to move in space if she/he feels like it]
6. Go to B. When this situation started first time, what happened right before you felt like that so you reacted in that way? What would you have needed in that moment to feel comfortable, what words you would have needed? Ask of all the positive feelings. [Ask your client to move in space if she/he feels like it]
7. Go to Meta. What do you see/hear/feel now? Do you want to say something to A and B?
8. There is no issue anymore and you have all the resources with you (repeat these resources for that person). The similar situation occurs again. What is different now? How do you react, what do you DO in this situation having all the resources?
9. Go to B. You have all the resources, the similar situation occurs again. What difference do you see now on the other person? How do you feel about it, how do you want to react?
10. Go to Meta. What do you see/hear/feel now? Do you want to say something to A and B?
11. Go back to yourself. Embrace all the new insights and feelings. Anchor all the positive feelings.
Exit.
Smartphone Technique
by Aneta Zemanová
This technique is made for situations of uneasy relationships and communication. Client might have a person in his/her life, who feel close to, but in the same time feels a kind of glass wall between himself/herself and the person. Could be a relative, a friend, a colleague, whoever who is close to client and who the client has a permanent contact with.
The aim of this technique is to open the client in way of being able to start to communicate with this person. The technique is built up on the self-integration process and on constellations.
As we use the Self-integration process for cases of the silent moments in communication (for example after an argue), this one could be used for the “silent” moments of relationships. Also could be useful for initiation of desired relationship.
Example of situation: I have younger brother. We used to live together at one home for 20 years, we are the closest relatives. But I feel that even that we are seen by the society as very close persons, we don’t have a lot of things in common. We don’t know, what to talk about, we don’t know each other. Even that I want to get closer to him, it seems like impossible. And I feel kind of the same things also from his side. When we meet, the situation is tense, because there is an outer pressure from our family and society to get on well. I am stuck in a box, just thinking about the way how to start and to establish a permanent and pleasant contact with him. Also I am afraid of his reactions to my prospective approach. That keeps me in my thoughts of: what to talk about? How does he look at me? What if…? And so on.
Purpose of the technique is opening client’s senses channels, find new cue or impulse for establishing communication, and to initiate the first round of connection. Also it serve to refresh the air between this two people and to say whatever has not been said till the moment.
Smartphone device is a metaphor I use for making the new impulses more catchable. Also, as the Smartphones are quite usual in our society, it is kind of visual, auditive and kinesthetic anchor for this impulses. Client could remember them unconsciously easier and use them in a real contact.
Steps and specification of the instructions:
First of all, we establish a rapport with a client. Meanwhile, by some questions, we check the submodalities. As a smartphone is very interactive device, with a knowledge of client’s submodalities, we (helpers) can better play with the using it as a metaphor.
1. Find a problematic relationship, where you feel sympathy towards a person, you want to get closer to him/her, but still feel some border, some glass wall between you and that person. You can see the person through the wall, you want to get closer and to build the relationship and conversation, but seems like impossible. Imagine this person standing in front of you, with the glass wall between you two.
2. Now imagine, that you have your virtual smartphone device with you, and the person has one as well. It can make and receive photos, videos, text and voice messages, and also you can make and receive a phone call. It has also inner memory.
3. First of all, look at the person, standing in front of you behind the glass wall. What do you see, what are the details of the scene? Take a picture of that and save it in your smart phone.
4. Imagine, that someone would like to take a perfect picture of this whole situation. Where would he/she stand? With the vision of yourself, standing constantly on your spot and having your own smartphone with you, go there to the perfect place for taking picture and look good first. What do you see? Are there also any sounds? Take a picture (video) and send it to your own device.
5. Go back to your position and look at the material you have received. What do you feel about? Save it.
6. Where would be the perfect place for recording a video of the situation, with a proper and clean sounds? As in the step n. 4, go there and first, have look and listen carefully. What do you see, what do you hear? Make a video and send it to your smartphone back to the original place.
7. Go beck to your original place and watch the video. Do you feel, see, hear any changes? Save it.
8. Now, imagine, that a virtual, very good friend of you, would like to advise you. Where would he/she stay to have a perfect overview for the situation? Go there. What do you see, what do you hear? What would you change in order to make the connection easier? Sum up the instructions in a text message and send it to the original device.
9. Go back and receive the advice. What do you feel now, reading the advise? Save it.
10. Now, go and have a look at the whole situation from the position of the other person. What do you see, hear, feel? What do you say to yourself as the other person? Take your smart phone and make a phone call to yourself. Tell to yourself what you see, hear, feel from that position. Also tell to yourself what you always wanted to tell but never have done so.
11. Go back to your own position. You received the phone call. How is it now? What you feel? This is your time to call to the person and tell him/her. Do so.
12. Last step, go to the meta place. How is the situation now? What do you observe at the two persons? Any changes? What about the wall?
13. Remember, that you have your smartphone with you every time, and you have all the materials saved. You can use them whenever you need.
As a finishing of this technique, could be useful to check with the client changes at the logical levels (from environment to the identity level, anchoring them during the path if is necessary). Then, with the new identity, go back through the levels and let them fill up with the new personality.
If the wall disappear or become more thin/permeable, it is satisfying. Also could be useful to anchor the moment of good feelings in case that the wall have disappeared, as well as anchoring the received cues and the positive feelings during logical levels.
The aim of this technique is to open the client in way of being able to start to communicate with this person. The technique is built up on the self-integration process and on constellations.
As we use the Self-integration process for cases of the silent moments in communication (for example after an argue), this one could be used for the “silent” moments of relationships. Also could be useful for initiation of desired relationship.
Example of situation: I have younger brother. We used to live together at one home for 20 years, we are the closest relatives. But I feel that even that we are seen by the society as very close persons, we don’t have a lot of things in common. We don’t know, what to talk about, we don’t know each other. Even that I want to get closer to him, it seems like impossible. And I feel kind of the same things also from his side. When we meet, the situation is tense, because there is an outer pressure from our family and society to get on well. I am stuck in a box, just thinking about the way how to start and to establish a permanent and pleasant contact with him. Also I am afraid of his reactions to my prospective approach. That keeps me in my thoughts of: what to talk about? How does he look at me? What if…? And so on.
Purpose of the technique is opening client’s senses channels, find new cue or impulse for establishing communication, and to initiate the first round of connection. Also it serve to refresh the air between this two people and to say whatever has not been said till the moment.
Smartphone device is a metaphor I use for making the new impulses more catchable. Also, as the Smartphones are quite usual in our society, it is kind of visual, auditive and kinesthetic anchor for this impulses. Client could remember them unconsciously easier and use them in a real contact.
Steps and specification of the instructions:
First of all, we establish a rapport with a client. Meanwhile, by some questions, we check the submodalities. As a smartphone is very interactive device, with a knowledge of client’s submodalities, we (helpers) can better play with the using it as a metaphor.
1. Find a problematic relationship, where you feel sympathy towards a person, you want to get closer to him/her, but still feel some border, some glass wall between you and that person. You can see the person through the wall, you want to get closer and to build the relationship and conversation, but seems like impossible. Imagine this person standing in front of you, with the glass wall between you two.
2. Now imagine, that you have your virtual smartphone device with you, and the person has one as well. It can make and receive photos, videos, text and voice messages, and also you can make and receive a phone call. It has also inner memory.
3. First of all, look at the person, standing in front of you behind the glass wall. What do you see, what are the details of the scene? Take a picture of that and save it in your smart phone.
4. Imagine, that someone would like to take a perfect picture of this whole situation. Where would he/she stand? With the vision of yourself, standing constantly on your spot and having your own smartphone with you, go there to the perfect place for taking picture and look good first. What do you see? Are there also any sounds? Take a picture (video) and send it to your own device.
5. Go back to your position and look at the material you have received. What do you feel about? Save it.
6. Where would be the perfect place for recording a video of the situation, with a proper and clean sounds? As in the step n. 4, go there and first, have look and listen carefully. What do you see, what do you hear? Make a video and send it to your smartphone back to the original place.
7. Go beck to your original place and watch the video. Do you feel, see, hear any changes? Save it.
8. Now, imagine, that a virtual, very good friend of you, would like to advise you. Where would he/she stay to have a perfect overview for the situation? Go there. What do you see, what do you hear? What would you change in order to make the connection easier? Sum up the instructions in a text message and send it to the original device.
9. Go back and receive the advice. What do you feel now, reading the advise? Save it.
10. Now, go and have a look at the whole situation from the position of the other person. What do you see, hear, feel? What do you say to yourself as the other person? Take your smart phone and make a phone call to yourself. Tell to yourself what you see, hear, feel from that position. Also tell to yourself what you always wanted to tell but never have done so.
11. Go back to your own position. You received the phone call. How is it now? What you feel? This is your time to call to the person and tell him/her. Do so.
12. Last step, go to the meta place. How is the situation now? What do you observe at the two persons? Any changes? What about the wall?
13. Remember, that you have your smartphone with you every time, and you have all the materials saved. You can use them whenever you need.
As a finishing of this technique, could be useful to check with the client changes at the logical levels (from environment to the identity level, anchoring them during the path if is necessary). Then, with the new identity, go back through the levels and let them fill up with the new personality.
If the wall disappear or become more thin/permeable, it is satisfying. Also could be useful to anchor the moment of good feelings in case that the wall have disappeared, as well as anchoring the received cues and the positive feelings during logical levels.
Core Connection
by Marija Wazi
PURPOSE
There are people who find themselves absorbed by a lasting repulsive feeling towards someone, which they might call for example “hate”. Core Connection serves for a basic embracing of the other person, for making peace within oneself and create space for love and connection. It is useful especially for those living in conflict or war zones, when the strong repulsive feeling is often experienced towards the person they have never even met in their lives (the aggressor from the other country, person in power position). This feeling is many times growing stronger and stronger not leaving space for love for the ones who are close, as family and friends. Core Connection gives a chance to change this state and to live in harmony rather then disturbance by growing repulsiveness. It includes usage of timeline, resources, meta positions and integrating symbols.
STEPS
1. Getting started – rapport and focus on person.
Create rapport with a client and identify the source and subject of the feeling, here and now, towards that person (position A).
Recall a person towards who you have this feeling. Picture him/her in front of you . Where would be his place?
2. Position of another person and VAKOG
Client puts an object on that place to settle the position (B) of the person he is picturing, then goes back to A and is recalling a person from there. This phase ends up with client expressing the movement towards the person.
What do you see? What is this person doing? How does he look like? What do you think about him? What do you hear him saying? VAKOG What would bet he movement, that you would like to do towards that person? How would you call that feeling that you have at this moment, looking at this person?
Identify the feeling.
3. Inviting body part and intention to cooperate in process
Search for a part of the body which is sending it and identify the positive intent behind this feel (could be e.g. protection, distance, separation…from the person). Thank this part for serving you in reacting in such way, for it is doing so to bring the positive input. Ask its permission to search for and choose another approach/relation towards that person.
Now it is time to search and create space to relate differently to this person, so you can allow peace and love within yourself to grow.
4. Eco-check
Guide client in understanding what benefits/values could be in searching for another relating to this person.
What will changing the approach towards this person bring you? How finding peace within yourself will affect your family, friends? Environment?
5. Collecting resources in Timeline
Do Timeline to the past with client, collecting all the resources.
Recall the situations when you felt loved, connected, happy, encouraged…VAKOG.
Coming back to present to position A and give these resources a symbol. Anchor.
6. Meta-position
Client goes to Meta-position next to B and looks at this person from aside. VAKOG.
We are all born to this world from connection and we all start our lives with desire of connection. Let´s go back in time and picture this person at the moment when he was born.
7. Connecting to person as human being at the level of core
Client finds a spot, position C somewhere next to B, to picture this person in a state of just being born, in this person´s timeline.
He hasn't done nor created anything yet. What does this person look like now? VAKOG.
What do you think about this just born human being? What are his needs? What is he missing to have those needs fulfilled, to feel in a comfortable way? Give those resources that this human being needs at this moment a symbol.
8. Meta – position
Client steps aside to have a look on this human being and himself standing in front of it. VAK
9. Core meeting – common ground of symbols
Ask client to recall his own symbol of resources. Then to picture the symbol he gave to the resources that this new born human being needs. This can be also done with visual squash. Client searches for a symbol that would unite those resources, give them a common base. After he has this symbol, anchor it.
10. Core meeting with person
Client goes to position B and faces this person.
Ask him to bring back that common symbol, that he found for their resources, and to integrate this symbol into that part of the body that was spreading the initial feeling towards that person. Eco-check. Then ask client to give this person all the resources this person needed as a child represented in a symbol as a present.
11. Meta – position
Client steps aside to have an overview of him and this person in B position. What is happening there now? VAKOG
12. Eco-check at A position
Explore how the relation towards the person is changed here and now. Eco-check.
13. Future pace
There are people who find themselves absorbed by a lasting repulsive feeling towards someone, which they might call for example “hate”. Core Connection serves for a basic embracing of the other person, for making peace within oneself and create space for love and connection. It is useful especially for those living in conflict or war zones, when the strong repulsive feeling is often experienced towards the person they have never even met in their lives (the aggressor from the other country, person in power position). This feeling is many times growing stronger and stronger not leaving space for love for the ones who are close, as family and friends. Core Connection gives a chance to change this state and to live in harmony rather then disturbance by growing repulsiveness. It includes usage of timeline, resources, meta positions and integrating symbols.
STEPS
1. Getting started – rapport and focus on person.
Create rapport with a client and identify the source and subject of the feeling, here and now, towards that person (position A).
Recall a person towards who you have this feeling. Picture him/her in front of you . Where would be his place?
2. Position of another person and VAKOG
Client puts an object on that place to settle the position (B) of the person he is picturing, then goes back to A and is recalling a person from there. This phase ends up with client expressing the movement towards the person.
What do you see? What is this person doing? How does he look like? What do you think about him? What do you hear him saying? VAKOG What would bet he movement, that you would like to do towards that person? How would you call that feeling that you have at this moment, looking at this person?
Identify the feeling.
3. Inviting body part and intention to cooperate in process
Search for a part of the body which is sending it and identify the positive intent behind this feel (could be e.g. protection, distance, separation…from the person). Thank this part for serving you in reacting in such way, for it is doing so to bring the positive input. Ask its permission to search for and choose another approach/relation towards that person.
Now it is time to search and create space to relate differently to this person, so you can allow peace and love within yourself to grow.
4. Eco-check
Guide client in understanding what benefits/values could be in searching for another relating to this person.
What will changing the approach towards this person bring you? How finding peace within yourself will affect your family, friends? Environment?
5. Collecting resources in Timeline
Do Timeline to the past with client, collecting all the resources.
Recall the situations when you felt loved, connected, happy, encouraged…VAKOG.
Coming back to present to position A and give these resources a symbol. Anchor.
6. Meta-position
Client goes to Meta-position next to B and looks at this person from aside. VAKOG.
We are all born to this world from connection and we all start our lives with desire of connection. Let´s go back in time and picture this person at the moment when he was born.
7. Connecting to person as human being at the level of core
Client finds a spot, position C somewhere next to B, to picture this person in a state of just being born, in this person´s timeline.
He hasn't done nor created anything yet. What does this person look like now? VAKOG.
What do you think about this just born human being? What are his needs? What is he missing to have those needs fulfilled, to feel in a comfortable way? Give those resources that this human being needs at this moment a symbol.
8. Meta – position
Client steps aside to have a look on this human being and himself standing in front of it. VAK
9. Core meeting – common ground of symbols
Ask client to recall his own symbol of resources. Then to picture the symbol he gave to the resources that this new born human being needs. This can be also done with visual squash. Client searches for a symbol that would unite those resources, give them a common base. After he has this symbol, anchor it.
10. Core meeting with person
Client goes to position B and faces this person.
Ask him to bring back that common symbol, that he found for their resources, and to integrate this symbol into that part of the body that was spreading the initial feeling towards that person. Eco-check. Then ask client to give this person all the resources this person needed as a child represented in a symbol as a present.
11. Meta – position
Client steps aside to have an overview of him and this person in B position. What is happening there now? VAKOG
12. Eco-check at A position
Explore how the relation towards the person is changed here and now. Eco-check.
13. Future pace
Getting Rid of Anger
by Sercan Atay
Sometimes in our lives, we have anger for someone/something but we don’t do anything for it. This is not always that easy for us to forget this, somewhere in our body it lives and when it comes to mind it disturbs us somehow. “What if I did this” is the question that destroys our mind. For these times, one needs confirmation that he did it well with doing nothing, the other option was not something good. This method is designed for the ones who sometime felt anger and still have it somewhere in their body. Through this method, the one would live the same scenario again and get rid of his/her anger with the help of the tools he/she created. This is like a paradox but in the end he would discover that he was right not doing anything there and would solve the problem somewhere in his mind. During this process, the client would have 2 meta positions and one of them would be having the anger in the highest level and the other would be discovering positive intensions and gaining resources and doing nothing but having patience. And in the end, the client would notice that he/she was right having peace and controlling himself and would have a relief.
Steps for this technique are:
1. Build rapport with the client.
2. Show him the 3 areas, one of them is the situation he is in now, the second is the one he has his anger and the third one is the one he searches for positive intentions.
3. Now he is in the first circle and defining the situation. We use VAKOG here, trying to get as much information as we can get.
4. Then moving to second circle where he will have his disturbing thoughts. He is free to choose all the tools to use to get rid of his anger. He can draw the worst scenario, we just listen. After he finished it, we use Milton language and echo check and ask questions like “what happened now?, how did it help with you?”. This will continue till the time he is fed up with it.
5. Then we move to the third circle. Here the client again in the same situation but this time we ask him not to do anything and discover some positive things underlying. Using VAKOG here again and he has enough time to discover all the good intentions. Eco-check takes place here. This continues till he really feels relief whole body and smile. We watch his body and observe relaxation.
6. Finally, we move back to the first circle and his/her desired state and ask which side was right. If there still occurs a problem, we can go to the third circle and discover new resources to turn negative ones into positive. At the end, the client will feel relaxation for confirming that he did it well having peace in his difficult times because otherwise he has nothing but the devastation and harming himself.
Steps for this technique are:
1. Build rapport with the client.
2. Show him the 3 areas, one of them is the situation he is in now, the second is the one he has his anger and the third one is the one he searches for positive intentions.
3. Now he is in the first circle and defining the situation. We use VAKOG here, trying to get as much information as we can get.
4. Then moving to second circle where he will have his disturbing thoughts. He is free to choose all the tools to use to get rid of his anger. He can draw the worst scenario, we just listen. After he finished it, we use Milton language and echo check and ask questions like “what happened now?, how did it help with you?”. This will continue till the time he is fed up with it.
5. Then we move to the third circle. Here the client again in the same situation but this time we ask him not to do anything and discover some positive things underlying. Using VAKOG here again and he has enough time to discover all the good intentions. Eco-check takes place here. This continues till he really feels relief whole body and smile. We watch his body and observe relaxation.
6. Finally, we move back to the first circle and his/her desired state and ask which side was right. If there still occurs a problem, we can go to the third circle and discover new resources to turn negative ones into positive. At the end, the client will feel relaxation for confirming that he did it well having peace in his difficult times because otherwise he has nothing but the devastation and harming himself.
10 NLP Steps for Conflict Transformation
by Luca Crivellari
PRESENTATION
This technique is built in order to create understanding between two or more different parts involved in a conflict, in a family or in a work space. As I am working with conflict situations and in countries with conflict, I decided to blend some elements of NLP to combine them in a way that as a result they give some added values to the values of each single technique.
STEPS
1st step
Get the persons involved to one place.
Preparation: breathing session and awareness of their body.
2nd step
Let them set their timeline and ask them where would they place their issue.
3rd step
Ask each client to step on their own timeline first.
Ask them to to describe how do each of them see, hear, feel the issue that they are facing.
4th step
Let them switch their position (from their timeline to the others’) and let them express/verbalize how do they feel in the new place one by one.
5th step
Send them back to the original position and let them integrate the new bundle of information they achieved.
6th step
Repeat the shift for as many people as involved in the conflict situation.
7th step
Let them share what their results got out of this process.
8th step
Make sure they decide how to apply what they got in the conflict they have-
9th step
Ask them to place themselves where they feel like being in the timeline related to this conflict “solved” and what / how do they see, hear and feel there.
10th step
Ask them to find a symbol for the situation of the transformation.
COMMENT
Ask their permission to film the session, so that they can have something to refer to in any moment. The concept behind is to create a “controlled” sharing (the NLP master is assisting and facilitating the process) of the different point of views, that is already effective if not done before. Then to place it on a timeline, to give the sense of a developing matter (normally the feeling of being stuck blocks creativity in transforming the conflicts) and to make them aware that they have something in common which is important, that really matters and is affecting their lives. Then I use the meta mirroring in order to “feel” the point of view of the other protagonists of the conflict and integrate the information coming from the other perspectives in their way to experience the conflict. Ask them to ground into reality what they worked out. Finally to place it on the timeline and let them decide the position that they would take on it and which symbol would they attach to the new situation.
This technique is built in order to create understanding between two or more different parts involved in a conflict, in a family or in a work space. As I am working with conflict situations and in countries with conflict, I decided to blend some elements of NLP to combine them in a way that as a result they give some added values to the values of each single technique.
STEPS
1st step
Get the persons involved to one place.
Preparation: breathing session and awareness of their body.
2nd step
Let them set their timeline and ask them where would they place their issue.
3rd step
Ask each client to step on their own timeline first.
Ask them to to describe how do each of them see, hear, feel the issue that they are facing.
4th step
Let them switch their position (from their timeline to the others’) and let them express/verbalize how do they feel in the new place one by one.
5th step
Send them back to the original position and let them integrate the new bundle of information they achieved.
6th step
Repeat the shift for as many people as involved in the conflict situation.
7th step
Let them share what their results got out of this process.
8th step
Make sure they decide how to apply what they got in the conflict they have-
9th step
Ask them to place themselves where they feel like being in the timeline related to this conflict “solved” and what / how do they see, hear and feel there.
10th step
Ask them to find a symbol for the situation of the transformation.
COMMENT
Ask their permission to film the session, so that they can have something to refer to in any moment. The concept behind is to create a “controlled” sharing (the NLP master is assisting and facilitating the process) of the different point of views, that is already effective if not done before. Then to place it on a timeline, to give the sense of a developing matter (normally the feeling of being stuck blocks creativity in transforming the conflicts) and to make them aware that they have something in common which is important, that really matters and is affecting their lives. Then I use the meta mirroring in order to “feel” the point of view of the other protagonists of the conflict and integrate the information coming from the other perspectives in their way to experience the conflict. Ask them to ground into reality what they worked out. Finally to place it on the timeline and let them decide the position that they would take on it and which symbol would they attach to the new situation.
The Heart Core of Conflict
by Mónika Zsoldos
This process is for Conflict management, when you have a person, you just don't click with and you keep on arguing about any topic that comes up.
Ask the client to find a person they have conflict with:
Place the person in your hand, then place yourself in the other one.
(It is also an option to let the client go around the room and choose an object symbolizing the client himself (B) and one for the person they have conflict with (A) and place them on the table.)
For now let's go on with the hands.
Let the client picture the situation, be in (B)'s shoes, and describe the feeling they have towards (A)
- What is the conflict about?
- What do you think about (A)?
- What annoys you about (A)?
- Who does (A) reminds you of?
- What are you missing from (A)?
- How do you feel?
Lets step into (A)s shoes, and ask the client to look at (B) as being (A).
- What is the conflict about?
- What do you think about (A)?
- If there is anything what annoys you about (A)?
- What are you missing from (B)?
- How do you feel?
Now step out and look at your 2 hands from outside having (A) in one hand, and having (B) in the other one.
- What do you see now?
- How do you see them?
- What do you think about (A) and (B)?
Go back to (A) now.
Ask (A):
- What would you tell (B) now that you were holding back so far?
- What did (B) thought you of?
Ask (B):
- What would you tell (A) now that you were holding back so far?
- What did (A) thought you of?
- What would you change in the picture to make (A) more friendly, acceptable for you? The tone of his voice? The way he moves, gestures, articulates, the colors of the picture? Make it more colorful? Play with it.
Anchor it.
It is worth to look at the hands to see what is the distance. Also we can ask the client to check how is it if he puts them closer, but I wouldn't force it. It should come naturally.
Go back to the client and ask them to picture their next meeting with (A) in the future.
- How is it going to look like?
- Where is it? What do you see around?
- How do you see (A) now?
How do you see the conflict now?
By being disassociated from the conflict, having a step back with a new view could already make the change, with a bit of constellation by stepping into the other person's shoes can also already solve the problem.
By adding the change of voice the colors and the movement, we can make the person more attractive to the client.
Ask the client to find a person they have conflict with:
Place the person in your hand, then place yourself in the other one.
(It is also an option to let the client go around the room and choose an object symbolizing the client himself (B) and one for the person they have conflict with (A) and place them on the table.)
For now let's go on with the hands.
Let the client picture the situation, be in (B)'s shoes, and describe the feeling they have towards (A)
- What is the conflict about?
- What do you think about (A)?
- What annoys you about (A)?
- Who does (A) reminds you of?
- What are you missing from (A)?
- How do you feel?
Lets step into (A)s shoes, and ask the client to look at (B) as being (A).
- What is the conflict about?
- What do you think about (A)?
- If there is anything what annoys you about (A)?
- What are you missing from (B)?
- How do you feel?
Now step out and look at your 2 hands from outside having (A) in one hand, and having (B) in the other one.
- What do you see now?
- How do you see them?
- What do you think about (A) and (B)?
Go back to (A) now.
Ask (A):
- What would you tell (B) now that you were holding back so far?
- What did (B) thought you of?
Ask (B):
- What would you tell (A) now that you were holding back so far?
- What did (A) thought you of?
- What would you change in the picture to make (A) more friendly, acceptable for you? The tone of his voice? The way he moves, gestures, articulates, the colors of the picture? Make it more colorful? Play with it.
Anchor it.
It is worth to look at the hands to see what is the distance. Also we can ask the client to check how is it if he puts them closer, but I wouldn't force it. It should come naturally.
Go back to the client and ask them to picture their next meeting with (A) in the future.
- How is it going to look like?
- Where is it? What do you see around?
- How do you see (A) now?
How do you see the conflict now?
By being disassociated from the conflict, having a step back with a new view could already make the change, with a bit of constellation by stepping into the other person's shoes can also already solve the problem.
By adding the change of voice the colors and the movement, we can make the person more attractive to the client.
Healing of Soul
by Viktória Csákány
Technique can be used after break up/closing love relationships when someone feels like something is still missing to give or get. It is a self-healing technique.
In the technique the soul is represented with 3 parts:
1. Put on paper the name of the soul parts and ask the client to place/position the 3 parts in a way that from their points of view they are all visible:
a. Individual soul – represents individual part of their souls
b. Partner soul – represents partner (the loved one) in their souls
c. Universal soul – represents the universe in their souls
2. Ask the client to step to their individual soul – ask them to describe how they look like, how does it feel like to stand next to them etc. VAKOG
"Do they miss anything? If so, what is it? Give a symbol and give it to them."(Eco-check and anchor the positive sensations)
"Do you miss something from them? Do you want anything from them? If so, what is it? What can be a symbol for that?" (Do not get it yet)
Make sure you make exact notes.
3. Ask the client to step to their partner soul – ask them to describe how they look like, how does it feel like to stand next to them etc. VAKOG
"Do they miss anything? If so, what is it? Give a symbol and give it to them." (Eco-check and anchor the positive sensations)
"Do you miss something from them? Do you want anything from them? If so, what is it? What can be a symbol for that?" (Do not get it yet)
Make sure you make exact notes.
4. Step with your client to their universal soul – ask them to describe how they look like, how does it feel like to stand next to them etc. VAKOG
"Do they miss anything? If so, what is it? Give a symbol and give it to them."(Eco-check and anchor the positive sensations)
"Do you miss something from them? Do you want anything from them? If so, what is it? What can be a symbol for that?" (Do not get it yet)
Make sure you make exact notes.
5. Go back to the original position. Ask your client to look at their soul parts.
"You gave them everything that you missed giving." (List to the client what they get from the soul parts. If something else comes up, go back to the soul part(s).) See how they look like now, how they are, what the sensations are... VAKOG
6. "Picturize that all the soul parts come to you and give you what you missed.” (List the words and symbols that your client mentioned). Ask your client to describe how they feel? Where they feel it. Anchor it.
7. Eco-check
During the walk among the soul parts you always can suggest your client to go to a meta position and looking at the situation from a disassociated position. Check what they see, what they need and continue.
Step 0 of course matching and create rapport.
In the technique the soul is represented with 3 parts:
1. Put on paper the name of the soul parts and ask the client to place/position the 3 parts in a way that from their points of view they are all visible:
a. Individual soul – represents individual part of their souls
b. Partner soul – represents partner (the loved one) in their souls
c. Universal soul – represents the universe in their souls
2. Ask the client to step to their individual soul – ask them to describe how they look like, how does it feel like to stand next to them etc. VAKOG
"Do they miss anything? If so, what is it? Give a symbol and give it to them."(Eco-check and anchor the positive sensations)
"Do you miss something from them? Do you want anything from them? If so, what is it? What can be a symbol for that?" (Do not get it yet)
Make sure you make exact notes.
3. Ask the client to step to their partner soul – ask them to describe how they look like, how does it feel like to stand next to them etc. VAKOG
"Do they miss anything? If so, what is it? Give a symbol and give it to them." (Eco-check and anchor the positive sensations)
"Do you miss something from them? Do you want anything from them? If so, what is it? What can be a symbol for that?" (Do not get it yet)
Make sure you make exact notes.
4. Step with your client to their universal soul – ask them to describe how they look like, how does it feel like to stand next to them etc. VAKOG
"Do they miss anything? If so, what is it? Give a symbol and give it to them."(Eco-check and anchor the positive sensations)
"Do you miss something from them? Do you want anything from them? If so, what is it? What can be a symbol for that?" (Do not get it yet)
Make sure you make exact notes.
5. Go back to the original position. Ask your client to look at their soul parts.
"You gave them everything that you missed giving." (List to the client what they get from the soul parts. If something else comes up, go back to the soul part(s).) See how they look like now, how they are, what the sensations are... VAKOG
6. "Picturize that all the soul parts come to you and give you what you missed.” (List the words and symbols that your client mentioned). Ask your client to describe how they feel? Where they feel it. Anchor it.
7. Eco-check
During the walk among the soul parts you always can suggest your client to go to a meta position and looking at the situation from a disassociated position. Check what they see, what they need and continue.
Step 0 of course matching and create rapport.
Children Conflicts
by Gerlinda den Otter
TARGET GROUP
OBJECTIVES:
OVERVIEW / PROCEDURE:
Step 1: (disassociated state)
Replace the kids with dolls.
Child A = Doll A
Child B = Doll B
Step 2: (meta perspective)
Child A plays out the conflict with the dolls. Child B is watching and saying nothing.
Then switch and child B plays out the conflict with the dolls, while child A is watching.
Both children are in meta perspective.
One is playing and can influence the story. The other is watching. `
By replacing the kids with the dolls, they can look from a distance on their own perspective of the conflict. They have to play the behavior of both sides and therefore acknowledge what is their own part in the conflict.
They also have the opportunity to see the perspective of the other on the behavior of both.
Step 3: (changing work towards desired state)
Teacher asks for differences in the stories. According to the capability of the kids to put it in words, the teacher can also point out the differences in the stories.
– What would you change in the story of the other?
– What both didn’t like in the behavior of the other?
– What did both have wanted/needed instead?
– What can be learned out of the whole situation?
Through this questions they discover what actually happened and what their feelings and thoughts were, what they didn’t like and what they needed at the moment. They also get the perspective of the other on those things. This creates a greater awareness and understanding of themselves and the other. From this can be worked towards solutions.
Step 4: (future pace)
– How would they be on from now together? (future pace)
– How the dolls will anchor? (hand/hug, whatever)
Step 5: (associated state)
Put the dolls away. Step out of metaposition and step back in new associated state.
Anchor with both kids in the same way as the dolls did.
WHY THIS TECHNIQUE?
This technique is developed out of the need and desire that I have as a teacher for helping kids to grow up and become capable to deal in a constructive way with their own conflicts.
It is very common that kids come to the teacher with a conflict. They are both fighting, blaming the other, high in energy, screaming, not listening to each other, want to be heard, etc.
As a teacher I always want to hear both stories. Mostly they have a tendency to interrupt each other all the time when the other is talking. They find it hard to listen to what the other is saying. They interrupt when they got blamed for something or if they miss the responsible part of the other in the conflict in their story.
In telling the story, they mostly tell it in a way that the other did everything wrong and don’t like to tell their own part in the conflict. They want approval from the teacher that they are right and the other is ‘guilty’ and need to be punished. The other child wants the same.
They come to the teacher with the expectation that he/she is the referee and makes a final decision or gives a solution.
With this technique the teacher can support children to understand both sides of a conflict themselves from a meta perspective. They learn to take distance and step into each others shoes. They learn to understand the other and to acknowledge their own mistakes in the
- Young kids (4-8) having conflicts at school
- Teachers
OBJECTIVES:
- Children learn to deal with conflicts
- They can step into each others perspectives
- Awareness of their own emotions/feelings/thoughts/needs
- See and acknowledge their part in the conflict
- Solve conflicts themselves, with support of a teacher in the role of facilitator/coach and not as a referee
OVERVIEW / PROCEDURE:
Step 1: (disassociated state)
Replace the kids with dolls.
Child A = Doll A
Child B = Doll B
Step 2: (meta perspective)
Child A plays out the conflict with the dolls. Child B is watching and saying nothing.
Then switch and child B plays out the conflict with the dolls, while child A is watching.
Both children are in meta perspective.
One is playing and can influence the story. The other is watching. `
By replacing the kids with the dolls, they can look from a distance on their own perspective of the conflict. They have to play the behavior of both sides and therefore acknowledge what is their own part in the conflict.
They also have the opportunity to see the perspective of the other on the behavior of both.
Step 3: (changing work towards desired state)
Teacher asks for differences in the stories. According to the capability of the kids to put it in words, the teacher can also point out the differences in the stories.
– What would you change in the story of the other?
– What both didn’t like in the behavior of the other?
– What did both have wanted/needed instead?
– What can be learned out of the whole situation?
Through this questions they discover what actually happened and what their feelings and thoughts were, what they didn’t like and what they needed at the moment. They also get the perspective of the other on those things. This creates a greater awareness and understanding of themselves and the other. From this can be worked towards solutions.
Step 4: (future pace)
– How would they be on from now together? (future pace)
– How the dolls will anchor? (hand/hug, whatever)
Step 5: (associated state)
Put the dolls away. Step out of metaposition and step back in new associated state.
Anchor with both kids in the same way as the dolls did.
WHY THIS TECHNIQUE?
This technique is developed out of the need and desire that I have as a teacher for helping kids to grow up and become capable to deal in a constructive way with their own conflicts.
It is very common that kids come to the teacher with a conflict. They are both fighting, blaming the other, high in energy, screaming, not listening to each other, want to be heard, etc.
As a teacher I always want to hear both stories. Mostly they have a tendency to interrupt each other all the time when the other is talking. They find it hard to listen to what the other is saying. They interrupt when they got blamed for something or if they miss the responsible part of the other in the conflict in their story.
In telling the story, they mostly tell it in a way that the other did everything wrong and don’t like to tell their own part in the conflict. They want approval from the teacher that they are right and the other is ‘guilty’ and need to be punished. The other child wants the same.
They come to the teacher with the expectation that he/she is the referee and makes a final decision or gives a solution.
With this technique the teacher can support children to understand both sides of a conflict themselves from a meta perspective. They learn to take distance and step into each others shoes. They learn to understand the other and to acknowledge their own mistakes in the